猪胖故猪在

THE  CHINESE CHARACTER

Most important, however, is the fact that Chinese do not want to  change. Behind all the outward changes of custom and women's dress and habits of locomotion, the Chinese retains a sneering smile for the hot-headed young man who wears a foreign coat or who speaks English too well. That young man always looks immature and is often shamed out of his progressiveness. The strange thing is that the man who no longer looks immature veers toward conservatism in China. The returned student arrives at maturity by putting on a Chinese gown and accepting the Chinese way of life. He  loves its mellowness, its leisure, its comforts, and its commonplace contentment. In his Chinese gown, his soul has come to rest. The strange fascination of Chinese surroundings which keeps many "queer" Europeans in China for life also comes over him toward middle age.

LITERARY LIFE

When two cultures meet, it is natural and logical that the richer one should give and the other should take. It is true, but it is sometimes hard to believe, that it is more blessed to give than to take.China has apparently gained much in the last thirty years in literature and thought which must be entirely credited to Western influence. This acknowledgment of the general superiority of Western literature in richness came as something of a bad shock to the self-styled "literary nation" that is China. Some fifty years ago the Chinese were impressed only by European gun-boats; some thirty years ago they were impressed by the Western political system; about twenty years ago they discovered that the West even had a very good literature, and now some people are making the slow discovery that the West has even a better social consciousness and better social manners.

That is a rather large morsel for an old and proud nation to swallow, but perhaps China is big enough to swallow it. Anyway, in literature the change has come. Chinese literature has undergone a more profound change in style and content than it ever went through in the past two thousand years. Directly due to the foreign influence, the spoken language has come into its own as a literary medium; the emancipation of the language has come from a man imbued with the Western spirit. Its vocabulary has been greatly enriched, which means the increase of new concepts, scientific, philosophical, artistic and literary, generally more exact and more well-defined than the old material  of our thinking. With this enrichment of the raw material of our thought has come a change in style, which has been so modernized beyond recognition that old scholars find great difficulty in following the new pattern and would be at a complete loss to write a magazine article that could be accepted regarding either style or content. New forms of literature, like the vers libre, poems in prose, the short story and the modern drama have come into being, and the technique of writing novels has been greatly modified. Above all, the old standards of criticism, on the whole rather similar to those of the French neoclassical school that made the appreciation of Shakespeare impossible for a century and a half in Europe, have been abandoned, and their place we have a fresher, richer, and broader literary ideal, which in the end must bring about a closer harmony between literature and life, a greater accuracy of thinking and a greater sincerity of living.

Of course it is more blessed to give than to take. For with this change, there has come chaos. Progress is fun, but progress it painful. More than that, progress is always ugly. With the profound intellectual upheaval that is going on in Young China's minds, we have lost a center of gravity in thought and we have lost a cheerful common sense. The task of adjustment between the old and new is usually too much for the ordinary man, and modern Chinese thought is characterized by an extreme immaturity of thinking, fickleness of temper and shallowness of ideas. To understand the old is difficult, and to understand the new is not too easy. A little bit of romanticism, a tinge of libertinism, a lack of critical and mental ballast, extreme impatience with anything old and Chinese, extreme gullibility in accepting the yearly "new models "of thought, a perpetual hunt for the lastest poet from Yugoslavia or the newest novelist from Bulgaria, great sensitiveness toward foreigners in revealing anything Chinese, which simply means a lack of self-confidence, an eighteenth-century rationalism, fits of melancholia and hyper-enthusiasm, the chase of slogans from year to year like a dog biting its own tail-- these characterize the writings of modern China.

by Lin Yutang ,1935

"she is a loser.

 a perfect loser.

and,

she is so contented with that."

today, little fattie told me, that the signature of her blog should have been "desperate oldmaid".

HAHA.

and I know why she said so.

once, she told me that she wants a man with  nothing but a mere and sheer  "common sense".

i told her that  it's a mission impossible. it'll lead to a perfect tragedy of your personal life.

maybe i upseted  her with my pessimism.

maybe i  take too tragical a view of matters.

“One moment you're bright and lively,

The next you're crawling with worms.

Fate is  a terrible villian,

And you, my friend, its poor victim.”

Ingmar Bergman

May 27,1955

“It is impossible to read these screenplays without arriving at a new appreciation of Bergman's prodigious talent. For one thing, there is his enormous variety.......For another, there is his indisputable skill with dialogue--------glancing,  glinting, economic, yet evocative.”

1,
Fredrik: You must help me, Desiree. You must help me for the sake of an old friendship.
DESIREE: Well, that's ONE reason, isn't it?
Fredrik: Regardless of all our magnificent moments of love, you are my only friend in the world. The only human being to whom i've dared show myself in all my terrible nakedness.
DESIREE: Spiritual nakedness, I assume.

2,
DESIREE: Am I as beautiful as then? Have the years changed me? Answer honestly.
Fredrik: You are as beautiful and as desirable. The years have given your body the perfection which perfection itself lacks, an excitement which perfection does not have.
DESIREE: Did you read that in a book?
Fredrik: You inspire me so that I surprise myself. I read only lawbooks.

3,
DESIREE: It sounds as though you love her.
Fredrik: That's dirtied word. But if I ever loved anyone, it is that girl.
DESIREE: Fredrik Egerman loves! It isn't possible.

4,
DESIREE: Do you think this gentleman is handsome and someone to be considered seriously?
MALLA: I know Fredrik Egerman well. There's never anything definite with him, we both know that.
DESIREE: No, with him there's nothing definite.
MALLA: You are coming of age, Desiree, and before you know it you'll be on the wrong side of springtime and well into the summer.
DESIREE: I threw away my youth on the wrong men,Malla says.
MALLA: Recklessness has its time, and so has seriousness.

5,
DESIREE: “Oh pain that I have never felt before!
          Saved I myself but for a wound more sore?
          Each pain I suffered in the heated course
          Of past love's glow, with all its cruel remorse
          And insult's scorch which so unbearably burns
          Only foretold the way my heart now yearns.”

6,
DESIREE (sings):“Gone are worries, grief and sadness.
                 This is a place for love and gladness.
                 Let us then be happy here,
                 Take pleasure in love, my dear.
                 Love is wisdom's law on earth.
                 Love is life in eternal rebirth.”

The first time i heard this song was in NanChang Military Infantry Academy,1990. it was a raining night in winter, very very cold, we were asked/arranged by the head officer to see a film.can not ask for leave.it's a discipline. so, after a day of exhausting and meaningless military training, we must sit in an outdoor theatre, sit in the cold cold rain. it was so horrible, i was frozen to death. i kept praying for the end of the movie. i cared not at all how great the movie is, all i wanted is a roof.

suddenly, a song emerged, resonant in the winter rain, in the mountains around the outdoor theatre, in the transparent darkness. i was shocked.

it's Lili Marleen.

i told myself that this voice and this music are the things i'll never forget.

i totally forgot i was sitting in the cold rain.

i was burned and boiled.

and i recited the song quickly.

and now i am in Li Jiang,  listening the song again, by Marlene Dietrich in English. when i have time today, i stared at the snow mountain out of the window, the famous Jade Dragon, for hours.

"The book of life is brief", maybe i wondered what is my brief up to now.

 and to the end.

i lost in the thoughts of my past, my present and my future in Li Jiang.

http://www.jxue.com/xnews/17518.htm

Lili Marleen lyrics

E:

Outside the barracks, by the corner light,
I'll always stand and wait for you at night.
We will create a world for two, I'll wait for you the whole night through,
for you, Lili Marleen, for you, Lili Marleen.

Bugler, tonight don't play the call to arms,
I want another evening with her charms.
Then we will say goodbye and part, I'll always keep you in my heart,
with me, Lili Marleen, with me, Lili Marleen.

Give me a rose to show how much you care,
tie to the stem a lock of golden hair.
Surely tomorrow you'll feel blue, but then will come a love that's new,
for you, Lili Marleen, for you, Lili Marleen.

When we are marching in the mud and cold,
and when my pack seems more than I can hold.
My love for you renews my might, I'm warm again, my pack is light,
it's you, Lili Marleen, it's you, Lili Marleen.

G:
 
Vor der Kaserne vor dem großen Tor
stand eine Laterne
und steht sie noch davor

so woll'n wir uns da wiedersehn

bei der Laterne woll'n wir stehn
wie einst
Lili Marleen

wie einst
Lili Marleen.

Uns're beiden Schatten sah'n wie einer aus;
daß wir so lieb uns hatten
das sah man gleich daraus.
Und alle Leute soll'n es sehn

wenn wir bei der Laterne steh'n
wie einst
Lili Marleen

wie einst
Lili Marleen.

Schon rief der Posten: Sie blasen Zapfenstreich;
es kann drei Tage kosten! - Kam'rad
ich komm ja gleich.
Da sagten wir auf Wiedersehn.
Wie gerne wollt' ich mit dir gehn

mit dir
Lili Marleen

mit dir
Lili Marleen.

Deine Schritte kennt sie
deinen zieren Gang

alle Abend brennt sie
mich vergaß sie lang.
Und sollte mir eine Leids geschehn

wer wird bei der Laterne stehn
mit dir
Lili Marleen?
mit dir
Lili Marleen?

Aus dem stillen Raume
aus der Erde Grund
hebt mich wie im Traume dein verliebter Mund.
Wenn sich die späten Nebel drehn

werd' ich bei der Laterne stehn
wie einst
Lili Marleen

wie einst
Lili Marleen. 

“I am at heart a gentleman. ”
                Marlene Dietrich

and this one will be continued.

http://blog.sina.com.cn/m/douwanru

"are you mad? in such expensive a fur coat!" my friend frightened.

"Yes , i am." i answered quickly and smilingly.

"You must be broke."

"but it's really beautiful!"She added.

i smiled.

Thank you for hearing me
Sinead O'Connor
 
Thank you for hearing me
Thank you for loving me
Thank you for seeing me
And for not leaving me

Thank you for staying with me
Thank you for not hurting me
You are gentle with me
Thanks for silence with me
Thank you for holding me
And saying I could be
Thank you for saying baby
Thank you for holding me
Thank you for helping me

Thank you for breaking my heart
Thank you for tearing me apart
Now I've strong strong heart
Thank you for breaking my heart

several years ago,  maybe 5 years i think, i met with a big difficulty in my personal life.

one day, i felt so confused. i doubted the meaning of life.

and i was so alone, at home.

i stared at the swimming pool outside.for hours.

suddenly, i received a call from my colleagues.they invited me to dinner. through the earphone, i heard some laughing , joking.  they were so happy on the other side.

that's another world seemed to me.

that's heaven.

i came to myself after the call.totally.

that day, as i remembered, i did not go with them, for i was not in the mood for dressing up.

but i came to know that there are so many good things in my life. i have so many things, not only pain.

i have friends. they care about me.

they love me.

and i remembered the feelings till now.

through all these years, i kept being grateful to my friends, to my life.

and today, i wrote a birthday card to a little fatty, a charming young lady :

"You are a woman.

You are a lovely child.

But to me,

You are nothing but

my best."

i really mean that.

Happy everyday,my dear friend.i love you.

working in internet  is a total disaster,absolutely.

but it's also very interesting,definitely .

if you love mass media, if you love journalism, it's paradise.

if you want a wonderful personal life,it's hell.

so,  good or bad, that's not a question. it all depends on your reaction.

so, there's no real world at all, everything is our own reaction, only.

After finishing Harry Potter and the Goblet of fire, i went in a hurry to the Capital Stadium of Beijing.

and poor Dou Jiangming saw Harry Potter again just for accompany me.such a movie! (he slept almost all the movie.) incredible.what a nice man.

and also, Pavarotti is also a disaster.a ragged performance in a ragged musical hall.The Capital Stadium is too shabby,not fit for holding such a classic event.

and at the concert hall ,i saw the maths genius.he travalled to BJ for business. i almost can not recognize him if he did not  tap me on the shoulder.a fresh young student in my memory turned to  a fat old middle-aged middle-class man.of course, a successful business man.

we are classmates.and he is one year younger than me.so,am i middle-aged?

no, i am not married, i have no kids.how lucky!Thank GOD.

after the concert, the maths genius,with whom  i went together for 8 years invited me to attend the auction of cars autographed by Pavarotti.  what a innovotive/mad idea of holding such an auction.

crazy world.i finally come to know that it's me who has become old.

and follows will see an interview of Pavarotti 2 months ago in Australia about the farewell tour.

Maestro Pavarotti reflects on 44-year career
Reporter: Kerry O'Brien
20/10/2005
 
KERRY O'BRIEN: It would go without saying, I think, that for an opera singer to attract 500,000 people to a live concert, they'd have to be pretty special. That is certainly the case for the maestro of opera, Luciano Pavarotti, performing in New York's Central Park back in 1993 - 500,000. He also drew another 300,000 to an open-air concert in Paris. Opera critics will always argue over who was the greatest tenor of them all, and Dame Joan Sutherland hailed him as the greatest of his century. No-one, certainly, can argue that Pavarotti was the greatest crowd pleaser. In a career spanning five fabulous decades, Pavarotti played not just for the aficionados, but for everyone he could reach. Particularly, in the decade when he formed the Three Tenors with Jose Carrerras and Placido Domingo. Now 70, he's in Melbourne on the Australian leg of his world farewell tour, with concerts in Brisbane, Sydney, Melbourne and Perth. And I spoke with him earlier today.

Luciano Pavarotti, the theory of facing retirement is one thing, but actually deciding when to do it must be very hard.

LUCIANO PAVAROTTI: Well, it is a consequences of 44 years of singing and I think, it's time to stop. The people that they hear the concert they say, "why, you should go on". But let's see when it's finished.

KERRY O'BRIEN: You've had so many high points in your career, so many good memories. Can you share now, just one of those memories that you will treasure to the day you die?

LUCIANO PAVAROTTI: There is a phrase in Italy and we say, 'the first love you never forget'. So let's say 'La Boheme' is my first love. But that would be injust because there are so many other moments, you are right. The other can be when I make my Verdi 'Requiem' debut with Carrerras, in Milan, La Scala, in commemoration of Toscanini. It was too many things together.

KERRY O'BRIEN: Joan Sutherland has said that yours is the kind of voice that comes along once in a century. And you, in turn, once described her as the greatest opera singer you have known. You've also said that she was a very important influence on you early in your career, in what way?

LUCIANO PAVAROTTI: In a way that I try to imitate her in the breathing by watching her diaphragm, in a way she was always the lady, always pushing the voice in the right position. When I say pushing, I should have say support, because pushing sometimes is negative, but no, it's not. It is an explosion of positive thinking on Sutherland.

KERRY O'BRIEN: Richard Bollinger said that on that first Australian tour that you had with Sutherland, every time he turned around at rehearsals, he found you with your hand on his wife's stomach, trying to figure out how she supported her voice. That was about the diaphragm, wasn't it?

LUCIANO PAVAROTTI: That was about the diaphragm.

KERRY O'BRIEN: You have been able to extend your career well beyond the life span of most opera singers. Why have you been able to do that?

LUCIANO PAVAROTTI: I think because I have the voice, and my father gave it to me. With a fresh voice, I never push. My teacher was very good to me. Exactly what he was teaching me, at that time - and I'm talking of 50 years ago - I'm doing now.

KERRY O'BRIEN: There's film of you singing with your father Fernando in a Medina church. When you did perform with him, in public, what was that like?

LUCIANO PAVAROTTI: It's like to work with my son. Because at a certain age I become the father, or my father, and he was the son.

KERRY O'BRIEN: You said in your book, and this is the quote: "The whole business of top notes for the tenor is sad and a little ridiculous. You can sing badly all evening but come in strong with your high C, and the public will forgive you everything. On the contrary, you can sing like an angel for three hours but one cracked top note will ruin the whole evening."

LUCIANO PAVAROTTI: Well, my dear, let's say I walk on the rope, if you fall down, without the net under, is dying. If you fall down, if you make a crack, the night is dead. We are at the contrary of the football player. Football player can do ten mistakes and if he scores a goal, he's an idol. For us, instead, you have to be there, live music ask, constantly, every night for 44 years.

KERRY O'BRIEN: How do you feel at the end - at the moment that you end a performance like that, what is the thought that goes through you. Because on your face, sometimes, there's a look of almost, like, great relief, almost ecstasy even?

LUCIANO PAVAROTTI: Yes, it is. Music is ecstasy, you are right. The face of the relief you see me after the top note. In Tosca there is one, B natural, very, very difficult, so at the end of that you will see my face very relaxed.

KERRY O'BRIEN: Can you put The Three Tenors in context with the rest of your career. How important was that to you? How much did you enjoy it?

LUCIANO PAVAROTTI: The Three Tenors was meeting two friends, two great artists and giving me the possibility to hear them all the night long and at the end, even be paid.

KERRY O'BRIEN: Was there, as some have claimed, a particular rivalry between you and Placido Domingo? I think you've said not.

LUCIANO PAVAROTTI: Why? We are so different, we are. I don't think so.

KERRY O'BRIEN: Why did Nessun Dorma become your signature, was that choice or did the audience choose that for you?

LUCIANO PAVAROTTI: It is the choice of the audience. First of all, it is a beautiful and incredible aria - they say song - with the top note very exciting. The world says, tomorrow I will win. And everybody is thinking I will win, tomorrow I will win. So when you go to be in the night, it says, "tomorrow I will win". That is probably what it is like.

KERRY O'BRIEN: Luciano Pavarotti thank you very much for talking to us.

LUCIANO PAVAROTTI: Thank you, Sir, very much.
 

如果一定有坚持，就是对自我的要求。

要变的更好，一天比一天地。

如果有一定不能放弃的信念，就是这个。

没有这个，一溃千里。

but i'm so good at Chineseit's not challenging/interesting writing in my native language.

but, i will do it for you.

the topic of this BLOG will be ：纹丝不动 心如粉碎（以前写专栏用过的）

本周抓狂。

周五晚上的加班成为骆驼最后的稻草。

崩溃了。

悄悄地。

幸有好心的同事陪我且请我吃饭，感激涕零了，虽然外表岿然不动。

（这不是木讷，是傻，“看起来傻，其实是真傻”）

吃饭途中，同事哈哈道：“我不像你，会有深刻的痛苦。”

我靠在车后座上，不言语。

心想：有这句话，就不枉我们认识一场了。

窗外从首体到三里河的夜色，有一点时代罕见的知识分子气。very rare.

想：不知什么时候起，calm成了惟一追求的东西，no hope是面对人生的武器。

why.(no question mark at all.we all know the answer.)

不期待，不奢求，时刻准备放弃。

绝不留恋。任何美好。